If I Was Your Girl is a book that was written by American trans writer , Meredith Russo. The book navigates its's main character (Amanda Hardy) life as a trans woman living priorly In Atlanta and the shift her life had once she moved to Lambertville.
Amanda is this trans girl that is depicted to have what is known in the trans community as a very ''passing look'' , which helps her have a fresh start without anybody knowing she is trans in the town where her dad lives, Lambertville.
But unlike the image she has meticulously try to show in Lambertville, her past is not like the other's girls that she surrounds herself with. Her past is more complicated than a regular's girl upbringing, not only because her name was originally Andrew , but also prior to arriving to Lambertville she suffered from physical harassment in high school and middle school for being effeminate , which ultimately became one of the reasons of why she to tried to kill herself.
After she tries to kill herself , she starts to regularly see a psychologist and going to group meetings where she encounters many people like her. Then, she begins with the hormone replacement therapy and later on undergoes sex reassignment surgery to finally feel comfortable in her own skin.
Amanda started to think that after what she put herself through medically and mentally she was going to be able to live a normal life in Atlanta , but everyone knew her past. So one day , while being in the bathroom of a mall Amanda gets harassed once again like the old times.
When Amanda fully recovers , her mom and her decides that for her mental and physical sake she needs to move with her father and start a new life. This is when Amanda's relationship with her dad is brought up into the picture.
The book conveys perfectly how since she was a child , Amanda has been pressured by her dad to behave a certain way and the disappointment she felt , when she realized that she will never be the son that her dad wants no matter how much she tries to.
Once in Lambertville, Amanda has a hard time engaging with her dad but is able to meet a group of girls in her new school that she later on becomes really good friends with. During this time Amanda meets this classical jock character that we typically see in movies , Grant.
Date after date , Amanda starts to fell in love with Grant. But overtime , she feels guilty for not revealing that she is a trans woman. In the midst of becoming close with grant , she also began to be close with Bee, this bohemian girl that she hangs out with in her art class.
Bee all of a sudden turns out to be this girl , that Amanda feels safe with. Amanda’s judgement made her think that she could tell Bee anything and she would for sure keep any of her secrets. Unfortunately this was not the case whatsoever , because during Amanda's high school prom right after Grant and her were crown king and prom queen, Bee reveals to the whole school that Amanda is trans.
This revelation downfalls Amanda's life within minutes. Right after she runs from Grant and his questions that hurt her deeply , she encounters with one of Grant's friends in her way home , Parker. Since the first time Parker caught a glimpse of Amanda , she turned into his biggest crush.
So , when the word got out Parker's ego and masculinity were damaged .The thought of being attracted to a girl like her , made him retch.This made Parker jump into his car immediately and look out for Amanda everywhere.
When Parker finds Amanda , He punches her intensively until he is stopped by Amanda's friends that thanks to Grant get to know Parker's intentions. Amanda is then left all bruised up in her dad's condo by her friends.
Amanda's dad reacts like a normal dad that would , and out of anger goes to Grant's house under the assumption that he was the culprit of the lesions caused to Amanda. In what is pictured as seconds Amanda's dad arrives to Grant's house and punches the hell out of him , until Amanda is able to catch up with him in her friend's car and clarify what really happened.
Disappointed of her , Amanda's dad tells her to go back to a Atlanta in the first bus coming the next day. Once in Atlanta she meets her mother and out of the blue her dad comes up knocking in their house months later, to make amends with her daughter.
Amanda's dad apologizes to Amanda for expecting her to not want a normal life like any other girl despite the risks and offers her to come back to Lambertville if she feels like it. Amanda agrees to it and reencounters herself with her friends and Grant.
Grant approaches to her in the first day back in school and asks Amanda for an explanation regarding her past with a little apprehension , that leaves the readers wondering at the end whether his love towards Amanda can survive this or not.
This book overall is encouraging for women like me , because even though Amanda is obviously not the personification of what most of trans woman go though , she brings hope. A message that is not common to see or read when it comes to depictions of trans characters.
Once in a while is comforting to read a story of a trans woman that although far from being perfect , doesn't come down to murder and rape. Is not about ignoring the raw true , but to be able to get immersed in the fantasy of a book that ables trans women to escape even for a little from the gruesome aspects of their lives.
I hope you liked it ! , feel free to comment down below.
You can find If I was Your Girl as an ebook in Amazon and other platforms.
References
Russo,M. (2016).If I Was Your Girl
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