Date: June 18 of 2022 By: Victoria Hincapie Gomez
This week I finished Janet Mock's first memoir , who is a known producer , writer and director of FOX TV show , Pose. Since I started this blog and my transition I have been seeking books that relate to my daily experiences as a trans woman and those that open my eyes to differing experiences from mine.
So in this search of books that really spoke to me , I came across this book , and because I knew and loved Mock's work , I was instantly allured. The book was so intricate from the get go, because rather than just focusing on her trans journey , Mock covers topics that were really closed to her in her upbringing like poverty, drug abuse problems , abandonment.
The book manages to catch the reader's attention by giving away some information that is not revealed until the very end of the book. The story starts in the New York of 2009 , when Mock meets her Future Husband and ex husband Aaron Tredwell, an internal debate then takes place in Mock's Mind after meeting Tredwell, is she going to disclose the fact that she is trans to him?
After this question left unanswered , the New York storyline is pulled away , and the story retreats back to her childhood-teen years in the 90's and beginnings of the 2000's. Mock was born in Honolulu ,Hawáii in1983 , a time in which being anything remote from what was seen as the rule or norm in Honolulu meant that you would be either ostracized , murder or bullied.
Mock opens up about the toxic environment in her home, from her mom's toxic relationship with men , her mom's lack of parenting and abandonment in her childhood, her dad's drug abuse and his constant moving out from one home to another. Mock Spent the first years of her life in Honolulu practically living full-time with her grandparents and only seeing her mom once in a awhile , but this whole dynamic changed when her mom decided to have a baby with her boyfriend at the time.
Mock's mom was starting a new life and in her mind the best decision was for her two sons from her previous relationship to move with their dad( Mock's dad) , living in California at the time with his girlfriend. Mock lived with her dad 7 years, a span in which certain events changed her life.
` During that time living with her dad Mock was raped by her dad's girlfriend son , in the midst of her realizing she was different from other boys , who made constant assumptions regarding her sexuality. These years scarred her in a way that she would later on in her life understood , but in this interval mock also got to explore her femininity by dressing up in ''girls clothes'' when her dad wasn't around.
I remember that when I was a child my hair had somewhat of a great importance to me , and every time that I was forced to get a haircut , I would cry. Years later I understand why I was crying and what it meant to me , It meant that a part of me regarded as feminine and girly was being tug away. Mock experienced something similar when she was living in California with her dad and left her afro grow out up to a point , in which people mistaken her for what she was but didn't have the tools to truly acknowledge, a girl. Mock's dad noticed this , and cut her hair off.
On those years Mock narrates that she romanticized her cut short relationship with her mom and yearn to be back to her side. Mock's dad was going through a rough path and he and mock's mother decided that it was about time for Mock and her brother to come back to Honolulu. Once with her mom , Mock perceived that her mother's behaviour was the same , but at least with her , Mock could explore parts of her femininity without getting reprimanded for it.
Even though mock didn't feel as pressure to put a mask when it came down to her identity compared to when she was with her dad , Mock's family in Honolulu and her new school weren't exactly prepared to deal with her, so she hid herself under this cis gender straight boy facade. At least until she met Wendi , her soon to become best friend.
Before meeting Wendi , Mock hadn't had a glimpse of seeing someone like her , someone so authentic and unapologetic.They met in Honolulu's Farrignton High School, Wendi was a year older and had much more sageness when it came to the whole underground Honolulu trans world.
Wendi Introduced to Mock people that were like them , she became her safe space to dabble into makeup , fashion and ultimately start with her hormones. Wendi and Mock were looked upon by an outsider's perspective as gay teens , but Wendi was sure of her identity , and once she turned 16 , Wendi started her hormone replacement therapy.
Mock narrates that her circumstances were quite different from Wendi's , she had the support of an aunt to start her medical transition , and mock didn't , no one in her family was even aware of her wanting to transition. Mock wasn't going to sit on a bench and became a viewer of Wendi's journey, Wendi gave to her best friend a copy of her prescription , and they both embarked on this ship , with no determined destination.
In Farringnton High School Wendi and Mock were the freaks , no one could truly get them , let alone embrace them. Mock recounts that they found a community somewhere else at Merchant Street in Downtown Honolulu.This street came to life past 9 p.m, and had gaggles of transsexual hookers running down the streets surveying for customers. On Merchant street Mock found her crowd , but she also had to face the raw reality that people like her in Honolulu didn't aspired to be something else than a hooker , most of them didn't had a choice.
Years went by and despite being misgendered and called Charles by classmates and professors , a door of possibility was opened to her. She had applied for a full paid scholarship to study at the University of Hawáii, and Mock won it. This was one of my favorite intervals of the memoir because regardless of this achievement, Mock partook in two worlds far different from each other , she was a part time university student and a part time hooker.
Mock had yearned to have a sex change operation for many years, fulfilling that void , and achieving that wholeness was her goal , even if it meant commuting in two contrasting worlds. Mock knew her reality , she knew her parents were poor, that no insurance company would have her back , and especially that no other job would pay as much.
Mock shared how desperate she was to feel complete and the costs she had to pay to find that elusive concept of completeness, a void that isn't really completely filled. The date she had scheduled for her sex change in Thailand was getting closer and part of the money was still missing. Mock wasn't willing to reschedule the date , so she agreed to made a sex tape with a producer that had a reputation around town of paying well, a decision she would regret years later.
With enough money to cover the surgery and lodging , she hopped on a plane to Bangkok and got her sex change operation. Mock felt at peace, like if a weight had been pulled out of her shoulders, she was at her peak.
This book in all it's complexities works as guide into the mind and obstacles trans women had and have to face , Mock is an example of perseverance amongst our community. She hit rock bottom , but end up working in the New York Times and becoming one of the few highly acclaimed by the critics trans authors.
One of my all time favorite quotes from mock is: ''We have different experiences , but trans women have experiences that do parallel with the whole fabric of what womanhood is. Embracing trans women ,listening to their stories, enriches what womanhood is.It expands it and makes it even better.''
This book is a must read in this pride month !
I hope you liked it , feel free to comment down below.
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